Hakan Alpay

Hi, I'm Hakan Alpay.

I'm a sophomore at UCLA studying Computer Science and the vice president of Billiards Club. I like to develop videogames, logos, languages, and crazy Counter-Strike strategies. I also think too much, and hence this blog was born. I would love any feedback you have on my site!

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Frankly, I think too much

Thinking a bunch can be useful when you need to come up with ideas or be creative in a short time frame. Or when you need to produce a lot of content that can be fueled by thought in a short time frame, like this post, or a podcast. It’s also often a curse.

I have had a lot of trouble sleeping lately. Part of the reason is definitely that it’s too hot in my house, something that I’m working on. But I also wonder if it is other things. Perhaps it’s my sleeping positions: I tend to become uncomfortable in whatever position I’m in very quickly, and have to readjust, disturbing my ability to fall asleep.

Or perhaps it’s too noisy. Not really audibly noisy, but mentally so. I am always thinking about some experience I had in the day, some cool project I want to work on, or some future possibilty. I often consciously lucid dream up an interview between me and a TV host that I’ll do when I get famous for some amazing thing I built. Or if there’s some world issue I’m worried about, I’ll lucid dream myself finding a crazily unlikely solution, and of course, becoming famous for it.

It’s fun to have a world inside your head but I always wonder if people who don’t think as much are more at peace.

I have been trying meditation for a bit. I tried guided meditation through Headspace, until I finished their trial. After Headspace, I realized that I much prefer self-guided meditation, although I’m rarely as effective as the teacher. I’ll focus on counting to 8-10 with each inhale, hold, exhale, and hold. It’s a great way to relax one’s body and gain some quick mindfulness, but I tend to slip back into busily thinking after I finish meditating. Perhaps I’m not doing it for long enough.

What do you think? Do you think a lot? Do you struggle with this, or is it ok? Does it make you feel unique, or do you think everyone is like this?

About the picture

This was outside my captain Robin’s house. Our Science Olympiad team went to her house for Oly Outing, where we all relax and bond before the seniors leave for college. It was a lot of fun, and her parents fed us really well, which I still appreciate.